Hey, it’s me, Billy Blackjack. I see all this stuff about people selling creams and lotions and all kinds of stuff that is supposed to help a gentleman increase the size of his fishing pole and allow him to use that pole and fish for as long as he wants. Should guys really be smearing this gunk on their fishing rods? I don’t think so.
Whatever you smear on your penis is going to get sucked right into your penis through the skin. Now, tell me, do you really want all kinds of weird chemicals swirling around in your tackle? You have no idea what kind of side effects this stuff might have. The last place you want to be using as a chemical waste dump is what’s in your boxers! Don’t make a hazmat site out of your private parts! Seriously, guys, this where You Make Your Sperm. It’s the last place you ever want to be putting anything that wasn’t meant to be there in the first place.
Okay, then, let’s see what we have here…
Erectile Dysfunction:
Okay. If you have erectile dysfunction, and the doctor says it isn’t because of some plumbing problem, if you want to get erect, here’s what you do: Get some jalapeno peppers, cut them open, and rub them on your penis. This will get you erect. I guarantee it. But after you’ve finished healing and have finally left the hospital, you’ll also come looking for me with your shotgun for giving you this dumb advice. So, don’t do this with the peppers! I’m only making a point. What is this point?
The point is that people will be telling you to smear this type of goop and that type of goop on your penis because it’s “natural” and will help you. Okay, just so you know, jalapeno peppers are also Natural. Listen. Just because something is “natural” doesn’t mean it’s safe or good for you. Radon gas is “natural,” too. That doesn’t mean you should go sniffing this stuff in your basement.
If there are no plumbing problems with your erectile problems they could be psychological origin. Hey, that’s no sweat, nobody is perfect; so if this is the case, don’t be too hard on yourself. Get some help from a head doctor. There are also exercises men can do that will help with this little problem. The point is, again (I like to make points), don’t be too hard on yourself! Stop beating yourself up. If you get emotional about this stuff and let it get to you then it will just make things worse. Don’t sweat it. This is small stuff, really. Life has a lot bigger obstacles to throw in your path.
Premature Ejaculation:
Okay. What about premature ejaculation? Should you be smearing chemicals on your hot dog and spraying stuff all over it? Probably not. Why not? Because most premature ejaculation goes away once the hormones level out a bit and you get used to being with the ladies. Here’s the truth:
All men have had premature ejaculation at one time or another. So, I welcome you as our newest member to the largest all-male club in the world. It’s no big deal unless it totally gets out of control. You should be happy that women excite you so much. I’m serious. That’s not a bad trait for a man to have. Now you ask, “What can I do about it”?
You can “double bag” it for one thing. This means you put on two condoms instead of one. This here will decrease the amount of sensation your penis gets during intercourse. This should help you last longer.
As for spraying stuff to deaden your penis, just so you don’t feel anything… C’mon guys, is this stuff for real? I tell you that if you’re so excited by your lady friend that you can’t hold yourself back, it will have a Big effect on her. Number One, she’s going to feel very complemented that she had such an incredible sexual affect on you! That’s the truth! Number Two, be glad that you are like this now! Men in their later years would kill to be like this once again. And Number Three, it’s a great way to tell if your sweetheart really cares about you. That’s right. If she stands by your side and sticks with you during these sexually confusing times then that means she’s a real, 24-carat Sweetheart! Women like this are hard to find. If she dumps you because of this problem then you are better off without her. Trust me on that one.
If this sort of thing keeps going on, then things might get frustrating and the novelty of it will start to wear off for her (see Number One, above). So, what are you going to do if the condoms don’t work? Educate yourself and find a way to fix this problem. One way to do it is to practice what are called “hold back” techniques. You can do this while masturbating. Simply get yourself excited and sexually aroused and then what do you do? You “hold back” from ejaculating. Does that make sense…?
Here, let me try to explain it better:
What you want to do is get just up to the point where you are going to orgasm and stop ALL stimulation to your penis! Try to focus your mind on algebra class or something that is just as unsexy and as boring as can possibly be. Remember, most of us couldn’t ride a bicycle for the first few times or drive a “standard” transmission on our first go. But, with a little practice we’re ready for the Tour de France and ready to win the Indy 500!
Okay. So, “On Your Marks, Get Set, and GO!” A little practice should help you out a lot. You can also practice with your lady friend. Explain what you are trying to accomplish to her and together you can get things as right as rain. This will bring the two of you closer together. Comprende mi amigo? Make the most out of everything that God deals you in life. Turn that water into wine.
Penis Enlargement:
Do I even have to go into this? Smearing sludge on your penis isn’t going to make it bigger. Maybe I’m mistaken and there is some magical cream out there that’s changed the way men can really enlarge their penises. I tell you, I must have been asleep at the wheel the last ten years and driven into a ditch to have missed these new miracle enlargement creams.
If you want to enlarge your penis you have to exercise! Just like if you want muscle-man biceps and pecs so that you can tear phone books in half, you have to do what? You have to work at it. This is just basic common sense. Get exercising!
In Summary:
There you go. I hope this helps you good guys out there. Again, don’t sweat this stuff. You can use anything that seems to be a detriment in your life and turn it into a wonderful opportunity and experience. Start looking at stuff from a different perspective and begin to realize how set-backs like this can really be of enormous benefit to you — How they can and will improve your life, if you let them.
Real men overcome their obstacles and grow, learn, and improve themselves from such experiences.
You do the same.
— Billy Blackjack Carson